Sleep was not coming and want to do something and my mind think about art to make sunflowers or palm trees in different way so I put my sketchbook page and pick a flat straight brush and used acrylic color and try to make sunflowers in an different styles and shades of colors.
Today when I was mentally upset and disturb past love relationship memories is disturbing me and have anxiety just like I lost someone in my life Its truth that I have lost my love because I was only for him fake and toy that he used me own purpose and after threw it in a bin so Now I do try to keep busy and do divert mind in art work Then my mind think to made Poppy flowers so I choose pastel color pencils and pastel crayons and tried to make beautiful art piece. Now a days my mind goes in Floral designs because flowers depict love and I miss love in my life. That he left me for another.
I had terrible condition of mine since 2013 to 2015 due to depression and psychosis because if I am passing by chance on that place then every each and every thing recall in mind and brain and made eyes vision and its painful and I wept three month all scenario and atmosphere and surroundings and conversation and work too much do upset me and disturb me mentally day by day passing my mentally condition is going critical. I have difficulty in breathing and I have afraid and fear when I saw anything that related past then I go in fear and too much have afraid and I weep a lot.
I have fear afraid stuff toys and cat when I see cat I did hide cat then that not panic me. negative thoughts came in mind that related upset me and disturb and hurt and give fear and lots of tears and in psychosis I have see things that not related reality its was illusion and delusion that I couldn’t understand before I felt anyone touch my body privates part and but its was only thought not reality its happened and felt due to past bad incident. I have too much passion of art and fashion designing want to learn and do work but that bad man jealous and not want I spend my life in success before in psychosis i felt he see me and listen me and he did control myself and thoughts but its not reality its was lie in depression that all things not exist. My body always became tired and restless and lots of body aches internally and externally.
I spend three months of summer on that bad institute as well as bad teacher that he was not able to say teacher even human. he is a stain on humanity. my thinking is say he is devil. I did work in house chores and art work also I have take first step to make a portrait and fashion designing in coral draw software. daily when I was go there first do clean whole house and their things he do work forcefully of house chores and even his personal work. He talk with me every time sex to do but I say every time its wrong its sin its only do husband and wife and I am here to learn art and fashion designing not here came sex basically that man not good.
I want to learn paintings but he not want to teach me about painting and even fashion designing only more than 2 or 3 days teach me about how make portrait and designs on coral draw after daily house chore I start my work to make portrait and after sit on computer to make fashion and as well as textile designing. Even first day when I went there on that day he give me juice and my mom also i not know what he did mixed in juice and meal that like time was passing he give me and other girls of meal but i not know what has inside meal. every time he talked magic that i know each and every thing and listen and see. His ( bad man ) conversation has stuck in my mind and brain and i went in depression and psychosis and feel hearing sound that he called my name but in not clear sound its like whispering.my mind and brain always stuck in past and I felt he can see me and listen me but before I not know its illness of brain disorder but now mind is clear its are hallucination and illusion and delusion.