MENTALLY DISTURB

I need help or guidance or suggestions what I do? How I take life in normal way?  Please suggest me in comments How I come out mentally painful pain, broken hurting heart. I haven’t power energy to express anyone what I feel and how I survive everyday. My mental health again not well and it’s bad effects my body there stress and body aches. My mood is not good it’s depressed and sometimes sad, someday I couldn’t weep but yesterday my tears come out from eyes. My whole body brain heart revolving in painful pain. I haven’t any happiness and not Relaxation. I not know how many left times days or years I have to survive for living. I not know why it’s happened with me. Which thing is not in me, which thing is missing in me, where is my fault, why my life is look like. My feelings and emotions are painful and now I write a post very hardly and I know right now I couldn’t express my pain accurately. I feel I’m finishing internally and mentally. Last 5 years and this year I had tried to find good life partner and true love but I failed when I met any educated person they hurt me, my feelings emotions, concerns, care love, respect, importance, attention, value. He just played my life and myself and mentally heartily destroy me, they educated but they were fake, fraud, scammed, all of them intentions was not good. Last 6 years anything happened with me again its killing me mentally again everything recall mentally and heartily. Nothing feels good. Even sometimes feeling look like I not want to talk anyone just live alone and I also not know how I come out this situation, those people enjoy own life but my life has destroyed. I never thought I choose those people for my life they were bad. Relationships not reach marriage because all of them reality and their real faces comes out before marriage settlement. Yesterday I want I talk my any friends but couldn’t do because I think they couldn’t help me. I couldn’t express how much I’m break at this moment.

 

 

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THREAT

I did too much good with  family parent and siblings. I did too much good for house but nothing get reward get in life for anything. When I say no to do any work so my mom threatened me that I have nothing for you and I will not give you anything even she said I will not give you meal. She threat me to kick out from house. She do that she said, many times she kicked out from house and not give me meal. Today she said  to me put Sim card in phone and I said put byself then again same threats give me. Now I’m tired to do house work and family parent and siblings work. Now I couldn’t work for anyone. I’m exhausted to do everything for anyone. My life already damage spoiled destroyed my parents and family relatives when I was born more spoiled my life did my parents. My life 32 years are worse.

Sorry and Thanks for patience

Please must read this post

Hi everyone I hope my all following fans are going well. Sorry everyone I couldn’t write and couldn’t post anything on blog because many times I’m not well, I’m too much depression and nothing feels good, depressed, sad, unhappy, unrelax, I’m ill physically by body, I have mental illness major depressive disorder and psychosis sometimes anxiety last 4 and 1/2 years. I have major illness last 17 years that I’m worried that’s irregular periods and hormones problems having PCO,S PCO,S this illness come in front this year 1st February 2018 now doctors want to confirm through blood test. I want to check up completely to know any more illnesses have body so I will contact soon doctor. I have last 17 years dandruff in scalp head hairs and it’s increased and effects my body other parts of skin. This year I contact dermatologist, endocrinologist. This year I have check my eyesight it’s clear there no problem. My body weight is too much gain its 98 kg due to illness so doctors refer me nutrition dietian. This year I take very hard decisions that I give my all artwork that I was made my own website and other social media sites / pages and want to start own artwork business making different stuff, product, but unfortunately my parents are not supporting me and not cooperative with me and not giving me money. So I give my all digital textile design, graphic design and digital abstract painting to a company free of cost. I will soon donate my all handmade paintings in hospital psychiatrist department and some few doctors. Right now I’m not feeling well so I will write soon with more details and post soon my handmade painting and drawing very love, devotion, passion, interests I had made all work but unfortunately I have to give my own work others because I have only this option.

The Friendship Break up 

Nothing feels Good, Grief, Loss, Tears 

Once again in my life a friendship relationship come few days before its  was emotional relationship for me that I realized now and I have attachment with him that I feel now after when I have blocked him from social media Facebook messenger and I blocked him to think on social media people are  not good when he was begging my phone number and I not give him. I weep a lot yesterday till now its tears out of my control and my heart not feeling good. I never see him never listen his voice just it’s was text friendship on messenger. I not know why I miss him and heart says him to unblock him but one side heart say when he see I block him he more anger and he never come back in friendship relationship and may be he not talk to me. Because he not left me alone and I left him alone and now I am alone without his friendship. I couldn’t express clearly myself and pain that inside me.

Mentally and Physically illness, Depression, Grief, Loss… 

Few days before I have joined a group to learn different courses, how to earn online money there group some members have joined me on Facebook messenger and start talking to me about daily routine life and casual and other things like a friend they beg my cellphone number and picture when I not give so they say me I’m narrow minded and complex woman,  they start to talk bad sexual thing that married woman keeps relationships with man for sex. I say change the topic when I contact my friend she is psychologist and my doctor also she says don’t give own pictures and I not give after I leave that group and blocked those persons who talk to me and suddenly again past bad sexual harassment event and that teacher man come in front of my eye by thought and I’m in depression yesterday and I have High blood pressure BP I’m not well mentally upset depressed and sad and feel not good that I did right to block new people or friends? I have inside pain that continuoulsy revolving inside me. I couldn’t express my pain anyone. I’m finishing inside why these people come in my life and I’m weeping bitterly. Nobody heals my recently friendships pain. I feel just like I lost a friend. I feel he is my good friend. I not know when he see I blocked him from messenger how’s he react of my act.

( NEW FRIENDS MAKE) BEST FRIENDS FOREVER.

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 I introduce to you my friend pseudonym ABC…

 

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HOW WE MET TO EACH OTHER AND HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP GREW AND I FEEL NOW WE ARE …….

 

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I was sharing my depression life story with my eldest cousin, in July, 2016. She told me about SickNotWeak.com and their community, how they help those who are alone and suffering from mental illness.

 

I went on SickNotWeak.com, made an account and joined the SNW chat community. I had never before joined an online community and I had rarely talked about my depression and life story. When I joined SNW I felt a supportive response from the SNW community. They really do help others who suffer with mental illness.

Daily I went on SNW chat and talked with people and shared my depression illness. Then one day I met a new friend, ABC…………

 

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ABC……….. and I first met on SNW chat. Then we connected through Twitter DM, Email  When our friendship grew, we began to connect using WhatsApp. We talk to each other almost daily. Discuss our mental health guide to each other  and sharing happiness and each moment of life whether its good or sad  of life and have concern good for each other.  Be happy to each other happiness.

 

He  give me a positive way of life. its not less then  miracle ABC….. comes in my life and make my good friend and show me about art in a new way as therapy. I feel his give me a meaning of life now my mental health is improving and I left my past and try to live in present and think for future due to his I have think once again  want to start education and want  do some ART courses. I have made him my part of life and he is more important for me. He has value in my life. I feel its like my family member I can his share each and everything of my life and can take suggestion him in each moments of life and I do trust him. We do respect to each other.

 

 

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We always do appreciate and encourage in art work and mental health.  Do take care to each other. Do discuss on art work and painting when we both get time and sharing  also art work. We both always try to understand each other and do manage  or set our friendship time according our schedule of work .  He  is also suffering with MI and we are so much alike.We support each other and encourage each other. We do share to each other  present life each moment and daily routine. We almost take at a time coffee or tea and both enjoying and do conversation to each  other.

 

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SHARING ART WORK (DISCUSS ALSO)

We always try to help each other in art work as we can do and known about arts and have knowledge and guide also in art work whether its painting. when I discuss art work and do share art work techniques and my own art work and designing then I feel mentally relaxation,feel happy also.  I like abstract art and still life and fashion and textile and textures. He is also share with me own painting and art work. He likes MANDALAS ART. I love his art work and paintings.

 

 

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Meditation.

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ABC…..  told me how much important meditation of mental health  do share meditation and try to listen both at a time meditation and feel peaceful relaxing body. This meditation we both liked.  Mostly when we both tired and restless we keep our conversation aside and do rest together because rest is more important for our mental health.

 

 

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His  moral support is very helpful. Since she came into my life, my life has moved into postivity. I learn a lot from him. We have never met in real life but he  is very kind and soft hearted person. I have no other words to express our friendship.

 

Thank-you SickNotWeak, for introducing me to ABC…….. and giving me the opportunity to make such a good friend who has changed my life.

 

 

 

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Sicknotweak.com has suspended its chat service.

 

Sorry for inconvenient

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Sorry for everyone I have no idea if I delete pics from media library then all images will delete in blog post today I received a comment then I did check  and now I am adding again images of my all work and blog post I can add my art work images again but not sure I can find those pics that I take different sources to relates my different blog post but I will try that same images I can find and add in blog post that you and everyone has seen and did like please stay and attach my blog and their post I hope everyone understand my problem.

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My Experience with Psychotic depression Part 5

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I had terrible condition of mine  since 2013 to 2015 due to depression and psychosis because if I am passing  by chance on that place then every each and every thing  recall in mind and brain and made eyes vision and its painful and I wept three month all scenario and atmosphere and surroundings and conversation and work too much do upset me and disturb me mentally day by day passing my mentally condition is going critical. I have  difficulty in breathing and I have afraid and fear when I saw anything that related past then I go in fear and too much have afraid and I weep a lot.

 

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I have fear afraid stuff toys and cat when I see cat I did hide cat then that not panic me. negative thoughts came in mind that related upset me and disturb and hurt and give fear and lots of tears and in psychosis I have see things that not related reality its was illusion and delusion that I couldn’t understand  before I felt anyone touch my body privates part and but its was only thought not reality its happened and felt due to past bad incident. I have too much passion of art and fashion designing want to learn and do work but that bad man jealous and not want I spend my life in success before in psychosis i felt he see me and listen me and he did control myself and thoughts but its not reality its was lie in depression that all things not exist. My body always became tired and restless and lots of body aches internally and externally.

 

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My Experience with Psychotic depression Part 4

 

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Since 2013 When I was left that institute then my condition is too much bad I weep a lot and I have difficulty in breathing and than at time my mind and brain give MSG that he can see me and listen me and he did control my thoughts and myself by magic but its was truth he did magic on my each and every thing and I want to take revenge of that bad man ( Teacher) he did with me sexual harassment and then my brain is  giving MSG its happening with me all by magic even he knows about female menstrual circle and say take a packet pad and keep in this cupboard I bought a packet of pad and keep another cupboard even give me some things and say keep all these in your house fridge and i will be take soon he do all girls keep own cellphone in his drawer and hand bag keep in side place one day he see when I am not reach in his trap then he kick me out and say leave my place of that institute here only that girls with me that give me benefits and do sex with me and give me benefits of painting and fashion designing other girls has not allow to come and spend time there and work there.

 

 

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when my condition is too much bad hallucination and illusion and delusion is happening with me like hear sounds in whispering form and  see things in shadow foam and and see things in air move like a small thread. even slowly slowly a fear and afraid is going on top than 4 months September to December 2013 my mentally health state is not good and physically also i have bad and negatives thoughts before its look anyone put thoughts and its terrible but now i know there are own thoughts but before look and anyone reads my thoughts and they do harm me

 

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My Experience with Psychotic Depression: Part 3

 

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I spend three months  of summer on  that bad institute as well as bad teacher that he was not able to say teacher even human. he is a stain on humanity.  my thinking is say  he is devil. I did work in house chores and art work also I have take first step to make a portrait  and fashion designing in coral draw software. daily when I was go there first do clean whole house and their things he do work forcefully of house chores and even his personal work. He talk with me every time sex to do but I say every time its wrong its sin its only do husband and wife and I am here to learn art and fashion designing not here came sex basically that man not good.

 

 

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I want to learn paintings but he not want to  teach me about painting and even fashion designing only more than 2 or 3 days teach me about how make portrait and designs on coral draw  after daily house chore I start my work to make portrait and after sit on computer to make fashion and as well as textile designing. Even first day when I went there on that day he give me juice and my mom also i not know what he did mixed in juice and meal that  like time was passing he give me and other girls of meal but i not know what has inside meal. every time he talked magic that i know each and every thing and listen and see. His ( bad man ) conversation has stuck in my mind and brain and i went in depression and psychosis and feel hearing sound that he called my name but in not clear sound its like whispering.my mind and brain always stuck in past and I felt he can see me and listen me but before I not know its illness of brain disorder  but now mind is clear its are hallucination and illusion and delusion.

 

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