Fake And Hurt Relationship

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since 2015 February  I met a man online when I was high peak in depression. I have love him by heartily. I accept that man by heart and mind. I did care a lot that I can and give a lot of love that I can do and give love and still I do,  but he hurt me too much and he used me own purpose I was fake for him and he used me like that man used girls and after used threw in bin and make a real relationship others and do marry with others. Before he show I love you but basically they do lie with me and they used us time pass when they need us and when they bored I did care him like a mother and family member and wife.

 

He spoke with me lie that I will marry with you and he spoke every time you are my queen and wife. he talked me every day and mostly every time 24 hours in a day and night and he want to do spend a time with me every moment I never realized he used my time a life for purpose like fake or time pass.  He say me I am beautiful and pretty  I did shared with him my whole life every moment of my life my born period till now whether its sad or happy and I trust him.

 

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I do shared with him my each second of life I think its was my mistake that I did I did never realized when I do shared with him my each second and moment of life he never interested in me and related my life and connect those things that my life he was never interested in my life and in me and I hurt a lot when I realized now He said me many times please don’t send me anything and any messages and please don’t do phone call when I will have time then I will call you and I not need your messages. I was never realized that I was living in a fake relationship last 2 years. he never wished me my birthday. He always force me to say hubby basically he needs a life partner  when he get a life partner he threw me and kick me out and he left me basically he  was using me last 2 years in different ways

 

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I always give my time my whole life and do support him and always stand for him his bad time and when he was in depression I cared him a lot and come out from him in depression but he always did used me own purpose I accept and understand his past but now I think he spoke with me lie about past. He always say about myself that I am wrong and negative girl I am thinking always negative I always do him bad. I made him relationship by heart and soul and truth but he made with me relationship fake and lie. I wish God give him punishment that he did with me and he realized on that day when I will not with him.

 

I always give him attention and importance and give value and did respect but he always disrespect me and did ignore me and avoid me.but I bear all his attitude behavior ignorance.

 

 

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My Experience with Psychotic depression Part 5

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I had terrible condition of mine  since 2013 to 2015 due to depression and psychosis because if I am passing  by chance on that place then every each and every thing  recall in mind and brain and made eyes vision and its painful and I wept three month all scenario and atmosphere and surroundings and conversation and work too much do upset me and disturb me mentally day by day passing my mentally condition is going critical. I have  difficulty in breathing and I have afraid and fear when I saw anything that related past then I go in fear and too much have afraid and I weep a lot.

 

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I have fear afraid stuff toys and cat when I see cat I did hide cat then that not panic me. negative thoughts came in mind that related upset me and disturb and hurt and give fear and lots of tears and in psychosis I have see things that not related reality its was illusion and delusion that I couldn’t understand  before I felt anyone touch my body privates part and but its was only thought not reality its happened and felt due to past bad incident. I have too much passion of art and fashion designing want to learn and do work but that bad man jealous and not want I spend my life in success before in psychosis i felt he see me and listen me and he did control myself and thoughts but its not reality its was lie in depression that all things not exist. My body always became tired and restless and lots of body aches internally and externally.

 

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Domestic Violence

 

My little sister is 21 years old. She hits me too much. When she is angry, she is hyper-aggressive and she beats me physically like a cruel man. It’s like a movie where I’m in prison and she’s the violent guard. But is is hard because my sister is a special child. While she is 21, her mind is that of a 4 year old. She has the temper tantrums of a child and the strength of an adult.

She was like that today. She was violent throughout the whole day. It felt like every second she was hitting me. She does this in front of my family and no-one stops her. My other siblings encourage her. They tell her she is doing a good job, and watch when she beats me. Every day. Every day she punches me, slaps me, pulls my hair, beats my whole body. When not beating me she is throwing and destroying my things.

I’m tired. I’m tired of the abuse. I want to flee this life, flee this home. I want to stop feeling this pain. I want the abuse to stop. I want to live a normal life.

It is hard, because when her tantrum ends, when she cools down, then she loves me and hugs me. Then I want to show her I love her also.

She is a child in an adult body.

It is hard.

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Violence

She pulls my hair
She pulls my hair
She kicks me
She slaps my face and body.
I love her and care for her
Why does she beat me?
No one knows
I weep a lot and cry
Because I am in pain
She hurts me
Please stop domestic violence.

 

 

Siblings Are So Cruel

 

I am the oldest child in my family. I have one brother and two sisters. One of my younger sisters treated me with cruelty. She said to me, “Leave this room. You cannot use this room. I cleaned this room, you did not. If you do not leave this room I will hit you.”

I replied, “I will leave this room by my own choice, not through force.”

She threw my laptop charger and mattress on floor.

I was angry with her but I controlled my anger. I tried to get her to realize how cruel she was being to me. But she never realized her cruelty. Instead, she shouted at me.

My sister knows what happened to me in the past. It is the cause of my mental health issues. I will write about that incident in another post. Today, though, my sister used the incident against me, saying cruel things. She accused me of being a bad person, that I am to blame and that I’m ruining people’s lives. She blamed me for many things that are not true. Her cruelty hurt me.

 

 

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  I wrote this poem because my sisters, once again, hurt me. I’m a little more sensitive then they, so they don’t realize what they say hurts me.I think they should be a little kinder and appreciate their elder sister sometimes an elder child  feels that they need to be perfect  in order to live up to their siblings”expectations.

   MY Sister Hurt Me

         Why is it that sisters tease?
Can you tell me please?
They always make me cry
when I had no mistake.
Why is it me,
They don’t like to see?
All I did was love you!
Do you have no respect?
Or is it ’cause you have
to be perfect?