The Family Issues

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When I was born period till now my parents and family and relatives did bad with me. I want to go and live Canada but they always create hurdles in my life and education and always did tease me and taunt me and beat me too much They chase my freedom of life and they give all own children meant my siblings in life. I will learn to forgive parents and family and relatives and siblings even though they always disrespect me and taunt me and tease me and do bad with me.

 

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Fake And Hurt Relationship

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since 2015 February  I met a man online when I was high peak in depression. I have love him by heartily. I accept that man by heart and mind. I did care a lot that I can and give a lot of love that I can do and give love and still I do,  but he hurt me too much and he used me own purpose I was fake for him and he used me like that man used girls and after used threw in bin and make a real relationship others and do marry with others. Before he show I love you but basically they do lie with me and they used us time pass when they need us and when they bored I did care him like a mother and family member and wife.

 

He spoke with me lie that I will marry with you and he spoke every time you are my queen and wife. he talked me every day and mostly every time 24 hours in a day and night and he want to do spend a time with me every moment I never realized he used my time a life for purpose like fake or time pass.  He say me I am beautiful and pretty  I did shared with him my whole life every moment of my life my born period till now whether its sad or happy and I trust him.

 

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I do shared with him my each second of life I think its was my mistake that I did I did never realized when I do shared with him my each second and moment of life he never interested in me and related my life and connect those things that my life he was never interested in my life and in me and I hurt a lot when I realized now He said me many times please don’t send me anything and any messages and please don’t do phone call when I will have time then I will call you and I not need your messages. I was never realized that I was living in a fake relationship last 2 years. he never wished me my birthday. He always force me to say hubby basically he needs a life partner  when he get a life partner he threw me and kick me out and he left me basically he  was using me last 2 years in different ways

 

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I always give my time my whole life and do support him and always stand for him his bad time and when he was in depression I cared him a lot and come out from him in depression but he always did used me own purpose I accept and understand his past but now I think he spoke with me lie about past. He always say about myself that I am wrong and negative girl I am thinking always negative I always do him bad. I made him relationship by heart and soul and truth but he made with me relationship fake and lie. I wish God give him punishment that he did with me and he realized on that day when I will not with him.

 

I always give him attention and importance and give value and did respect but he always disrespect me and did ignore me and avoid me.but I bear all his attitude behavior ignorance.

 

 

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Things I Am Grateful For Part 7

A relationship between Two sister ( younger and elder)

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Last Thursday me and my younger sister went outside for shopping. We spent an amazing time, a memorable day together. We give each other opinion for shopping. We both eat meal outside. After same meal I did pack  for mom and little sister. I bought new sandals for wearing  of my siblings wedding. My sister wants  I will look well and pretty and beautiful so she wants me to have a facial treatment then I will be more beautiful.

 

 

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THINGS I AM Grateful FOR PART 6

MOTHER LOVE AND CARE.

 

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  1. yesterday I went outside with mom in market to buy sandal and some staller for dying  in different colors , a clutch to do repair. When I was crossing the road then my mom hold my hand and I feel mom love and care and coziness . I found safe myself in mother lap. I felt my mom love special care and feeling that she have for me. Yesterday after a very long time me and my mom spend time together.  I did feel my mom love and I am happy that once again I found mom attention and love .

 

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Things I AM Grateful Thing For Part 4

Today I am grateful for the wonderful memories.

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1.  I had a memorable days many years ago. I had the opportunity to visit my Aunt in Islamabad. There I stayed 15 days. I was treated with love and affection, almost like a princess. Islamabad was was so calm to visit. There was lots of greenery and I love nature and greenery.

2.  I had joyful moments many years before when I was attending a reception ceremony of my cousin and wedding ceremony of another cousin. There was lots of love and affection as we celebrated. All of us did a group dance. I wore a very stylish bangles and dress that my aunt gave me.

 

 

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Things I Am Grateful For Part 1

Today, I am grateful for the following things:

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1. My Nanny. I am grateful for the memory I have of my Nanny. She was a strong woman who was very supportive of family. She was inspirational and I miss her terribly.

2. My friends. My friends have been very supportive of me during my MH struggles. They listen to me when I need them to listen, and they offer advice when I need advice. I am so very grateful for their support.

3. Teaching. I love to teach.

Modern Abstract Art

I  love abstract art. I love the interplay colors. This is a  mixed media  piece using textile colors, dyes, pigments, watercolors and Procyon.

 

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Image and art by Jane ji

 

 

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Image and art by Jane ji

 

 

I  am searching for

abstract ways of

expressing reality,

abstract forms that will

enlighten my own

mystery.

Eric Cantona

Domestic Violence

 

My little sister is 21 years old. She hits me too much. When she is angry, she is hyper-aggressive and she beats me physically like a cruel man. It’s like a movie where I’m in prison and she’s the violent guard. But is is hard because my sister is a special child. While she is 21, her mind is that of a 4 year old. She has the temper tantrums of a child and the strength of an adult.

She was like that today. She was violent throughout the whole day. It felt like every second she was hitting me. She does this in front of my family and no-one stops her. My other siblings encourage her. They tell her she is doing a good job, and watch when she beats me. Every day. Every day she punches me, slaps me, pulls my hair, beats my whole body. When not beating me she is throwing and destroying my things.

I’m tired. I’m tired of the abuse. I want to flee this life, flee this home. I want to stop feeling this pain. I want the abuse to stop. I want to live a normal life.

It is hard, because when her tantrum ends, when she cools down, then she loves me and hugs me. Then I want to show her I love her also.

She is a child in an adult body.

It is hard.

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Violence

She pulls my hair
She pulls my hair
She kicks me
She slaps my face and body.
I love her and care for her
Why does she beat me?
No one knows
I weep a lot and cry
Because I am in pain
She hurts me
Please stop domestic violence.

 

 

My And MY Nanny Relationship

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My nanny was a strong women .She was look like a angel She hide  own children in their wings.She did loved every children.She cooked very delicious dishes.She made things by own hand like sweater and staler mats and much by using knitting.Me and my nanny was both attached to each other.I lost my nanny in 2014 then i was in grief because i lost my life my love that I was shared each and every thing of my life.She did guide me in each step and i followed her.but after lost her I could not complete her wish that was marry because i was not interested in marry she wants i settled in my new married life.

 

 

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She did love me too much .She teach me house keeping.She guide me how to serve guests eatables things and she advice me how I live in life.No one take place of  my Nanny in my heart.My nanny always in my mind and memory she helped me by financial matters.She full filled my all wishes and she protect me when I was child. I did spend many years with nanny.I kept my Nanny memories that she give me by a gift.now she live in heaven.I do pray for her  regularly.i could not express what I feel for my Nanny. because she was my life.I talked my life daily and now i miss her each moment.its a big lost our family that we lost our Nanny.

 

 

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when she was alive and far away from then she also miss me too much and talked everyone of mine that how much she loved me her wish was my marry and any possibility I can come with there.but its not happened I could not complete her wish was marry because I was not interested in marry. nanny was known.I wish right now she with me and my life is wonderful and happily. I weep sometime because u not with me and u live in heaven I miss u so much i wish u a live and then with me. I want to say my Nanny u have gone far away from my sight but u will never gone my heart I could not see Ur face but Ur sweet smile is always with me I could not hear Ur voice but Ur echo is in my soul I love u so much i could not tell how much.I remember each moment that I spend with u.its unforgettable.

 

 

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Siblings Are So Cruel

 

I am the oldest child in my family. I have one brother and two sisters. One of my younger sisters treated me with cruelty. She said to me, “Leave this room. You cannot use this room. I cleaned this room, you did not. If you do not leave this room I will hit you.”

I replied, “I will leave this room by my own choice, not through force.”

She threw my laptop charger and mattress on floor.

I was angry with her but I controlled my anger. I tried to get her to realize how cruel she was being to me. But she never realized her cruelty. Instead, she shouted at me.

My sister knows what happened to me in the past. It is the cause of my mental health issues. I will write about that incident in another post. Today, though, my sister used the incident against me, saying cruel things. She accused me of being a bad person, that I am to blame and that I’m ruining people’s lives. She blamed me for many things that are not true. Her cruelty hurt me.

 

 

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  I wrote this poem because my sisters, once again, hurt me. I’m a little more sensitive then they, so they don’t realize what they say hurts me.I think they should be a little kinder and appreciate their elder sister sometimes an elder child  feels that they need to be perfect  in order to live up to their siblings”expectations.

   MY Sister Hurt Me

         Why is it that sisters tease?
Can you tell me please?
They always make me cry
when I had no mistake.
Why is it me,
They don’t like to see?
All I did was love you!
Do you have no respect?
Or is it ’cause you have
to be perfect?