I need help or guidance or suggestions what I do? How I take life in normal way?  Please suggest me in comments How I come out mentally painful pain, broken hurting heart. I haven’t power energy to express anyone what I feel and how I survive everyday. My mental health again not well and it’s bad effects my body there stress and body aches. My mood is not good it’s depressed and sometimes sad, someday I couldn’t weep but yesterday my tears come out from eyes. My whole body brain heart revolving in painful pain. I haven’t any happiness and not Relaxation. I not know how many left times days or years I have to survive for living. I not know why it’s happened with me. Which thing is not in me, which thing is missing in me, where is my fault, why my life is look like. My feelings and emotions are painful and now I write a post very hardly and I know right now I couldn’t express my pain accurately. I feel I’m finishing internally and mentally. Last 5 years and this year I had tried to find good life partner and true love but I failed when I met any educated person they hurt me, my feelings emotions, concerns, care love, respect, importance, attention, value. He just played my life and myself and mentally heartily destroy me, they educated but they were fake, fraud, scammed, all of them intentions was not good. Last 6 years anything happened with me again its killing me mentally again everything recall mentally and heartily. Nothing feels good. Even sometimes feeling look like I not want to talk anyone just live alone and I also not know how I come out this situation, those people enjoy own life but my life has destroyed. I never thought I choose those people for my life they were bad. Relationships not reach marriage because all of them reality and their real faces comes out before marriage settlement. Yesterday I want I talk my any friends but couldn’t do because I think they couldn’t help me. I couldn’t express how much I’m break at this moment.





I did too much good with  family parent and siblings. I did too much good for house but nothing get reward get in life for anything. When I say no to do any work so my mom threatened me that I have nothing for you and I will not give you anything even she said I will not give you meal. She threat me to kick out from house. She do that she said, many times she kicked out from house and not give me meal. Today she said  to me put Sim card in phone and I said put byself then again same threats give me. Now I’m tired to do house work and family parent and siblings work. Now I couldn’t work for anyone. I’m exhausted to do everything for anyone. My life already damage spoiled destroyed my parents and family relatives when I was born more spoiled my life did my parents. My life 32 years are worse.


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 I introduce to you my friend pseudonym ABC…


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I was sharing my depression life story with my eldest cousin, in July, 2016. She told me about and their community, how they help those who are alone and suffering from mental illness.


I went on, made an account and joined the SNW chat community. I had never before joined an online community and I had rarely talked about my depression and life story. When I joined SNW I felt a supportive response from the SNW community. They really do help others who suffer with mental illness.

Daily I went on SNW chat and talked with people and shared my depression illness. Then one day I met a new friend, ABC…………


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ABC……….. and I first met on SNW chat. Then we connected through Twitter DM, Email  When our friendship grew, we began to connect using WhatsApp. We talk to each other almost daily. Discuss our mental health guide to each other  and sharing happiness and each moment of life whether its good or sad  of life and have concern good for each other.  Be happy to each other happiness.


He  give me a positive way of life. its not less then  miracle ABC….. comes in my life and make my good friend and show me about art in a new way as therapy. I feel his give me a meaning of life now my mental health is improving and I left my past and try to live in present and think for future due to his I have think once again  want to start education and want  do some ART courses. I have made him my part of life and he is more important for me. He has value in my life. I feel its like my family member I can his share each and everything of my life and can take suggestion him in each moments of life and I do trust him. We do respect to each other.



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We always do appreciate and encourage in art work and mental health.  Do take care to each other. Do discuss on art work and painting when we both get time and sharing  also art work. We both always try to understand each other and do manage  or set our friendship time according our schedule of work .  He  is also suffering with MI and we are so much alike.We support each other and encourage each other. We do share to each other  present life each moment and daily routine. We almost take at a time coffee or tea and both enjoying and do conversation to each  other.


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We always try to help each other in art work as we can do and known about arts and have knowledge and guide also in art work whether its painting. when I discuss art work and do share art work techniques and my own art work and designing then I feel mentally relaxation,feel happy also.  I like abstract art and still life and fashion and textile and textures. He is also share with me own painting and art work. He likes MANDALAS ART. I love his art work and paintings.



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ABC…..  told me how much important meditation of mental health  do share meditation and try to listen both at a time meditation and feel peaceful relaxing body. This meditation we both liked.  Mostly when we both tired and restless we keep our conversation aside and do rest together because rest is more important for our mental health.



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His  moral support is very helpful. Since she came into my life, my life has moved into postivity. I learn a lot from him. We have never met in real life but he  is very kind and soft hearted person. I have no other words to express our friendship.


Thank-you SickNotWeak, for introducing me to ABC…….. and giving me the opportunity to make such a good friend who has changed my life.




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Textile Designs And Art Work



I made this grey scale by using black and white poster color If I take quantity of black color  2% so I take 1% of white color to make first color tab ( shades or tint) basically this gray color learn us to gratuity of color mixing and proportion. we can start from black side first or white side to make tints or shades If our quantity more white so we keep less quantity of black in every making shade.


Image and art by Jane Ji





Color wheel made by using primary color that is red,blue,yellow  is a basic color and after using this color make secondary color and after secondary color to using make tertiary color but only need to make proportion of color by mixing and adding color.  no need any method to make primary color its basic and natural color using theses colors make million billion colors of tints and shades

its a simple formula to make secondary color blue and yellow color make green color. Yellow and red color make orange color. Blue and red make purple color.

now secondary color make tertiary color its method this secondary green add primary yellow and its make another shade. if secondary green add more blue color its make another tertiary color. Secondary orange add more red its make another shade   and same procedure will repeat again secondary orange add yellow then make another tertiary color that call tertiary color. Secondary purple add more red its make tertiary color and if secondary purple again add more blue its make another shade of tertiary.


I did try my best to explain how make color wheel A very long time I did explain how to make tints and shades. I hope my efforts are right to convey everyone my art work how I was made.



Image and art by Jane ji





Image and art by Jane ji















I make tints to add white color in each primary color and make shade to add black color in each primary color.


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I make same tints and shade of secondary color  just like make before of primary colors but difference is this here I did used secondary colors and add white and black in each tab of color.



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I used same procedure to make tertiary colors tints and shades just like did used in primary and secondary.



Image and art by Jane ji




Image and art by Jane ji

Craze And Frustrated

Sleep was not coming and want to do something and my mind think about art to make sunflowers or palm trees  in different way so I put my sketchbook page and pick a flat straight brush and used acrylic color and try to make sunflowers in an different styles and shades of colors.

Image and art by Jane ji





Image and art by Jane ji



Image and art by Jane ji





Divert Mind In Art Work

Today when I was mentally upset and disturb past love relationship memories is disturbing me and have anxiety just like I lost someone in my life Its truth that I have lost my love because I was only for him fake and toy that he used me own purpose and after threw it in a bin so Now I do try to keep busy and do divert mind in art work  Then my mind think to made Poppy flowers so I choose pastel color pencils and pastel crayons and tried to make beautiful art piece. Now a days my mind goes in Floral designs because flowers depict love and I miss love in my life. That he left me for another.


image and art by Jane ji


Image and art by Jane ji



My Experience with Psychotic depression Part 5

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I had terrible condition of mine  since 2013 to 2015 due to depression and psychosis because if I am passing  by chance on that place then every each and every thing  recall in mind and brain and made eyes vision and its painful and I wept three month all scenario and atmosphere and surroundings and conversation and work too much do upset me and disturb me mentally day by day passing my mentally condition is going critical. I have  difficulty in breathing and I have afraid and fear when I saw anything that related past then I go in fear and too much have afraid and I weep a lot.


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I have fear afraid stuff toys and cat when I see cat I did hide cat then that not panic me. negative thoughts came in mind that related upset me and disturb and hurt and give fear and lots of tears and in psychosis I have see things that not related reality its was illusion and delusion that I couldn’t understand  before I felt anyone touch my body privates part and but its was only thought not reality its happened and felt due to past bad incident. I have too much passion of art and fashion designing want to learn and do work but that bad man jealous and not want I spend my life in success before in psychosis i felt he see me and listen me and he did control myself and thoughts but its not reality its was lie in depression that all things not exist. My body always became tired and restless and lots of body aches internally and externally.


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My Experience with Psychotic depression Part 4


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Since 2013 When I was left that institute then my condition is too much bad I weep a lot and I have difficulty in breathing and than at time my mind and brain give MSG that he can see me and listen me and he did control my thoughts and myself by magic but its was truth he did magic on my each and every thing and I want to take revenge of that bad man ( Teacher) he did with me sexual harassment and then my brain is  giving MSG its happening with me all by magic even he knows about female menstrual circle and say take a packet pad and keep in this cupboard I bought a packet of pad and keep another cupboard even give me some things and say keep all these in your house fridge and i will be take soon he do all girls keep own cellphone in his drawer and hand bag keep in side place one day he see when I am not reach in his trap then he kick me out and say leave my place of that institute here only that girls with me that give me benefits and do sex with me and give me benefits of painting and fashion designing other girls has not allow to come and spend time there and work there.



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when my condition is too much bad hallucination and illusion and delusion is happening with me like hear sounds in whispering form and  see things in shadow foam and and see things in air move like a small thread. even slowly slowly a fear and afraid is going on top than 4 months September to December 2013 my mentally health state is not good and physically also i have bad and negatives thoughts before its look anyone put thoughts and its terrible but now i know there are own thoughts but before look and anyone reads my thoughts and they do harm me


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My Experience with Psychotic Depression: Part 3


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I spend three months  of summer on  that bad institute as well as bad teacher that he was not able to say teacher even human. he is a stain on humanity.  my thinking is say  he is devil. I did work in house chores and art work also I have take first step to make a portrait  and fashion designing in coral draw software. daily when I was go there first do clean whole house and their things he do work forcefully of house chores and even his personal work. He talk with me every time sex to do but I say every time its wrong its sin its only do husband and wife and I am here to learn art and fashion designing not here came sex basically that man not good.



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I want to learn paintings but he not want to  teach me about painting and even fashion designing only more than 2 or 3 days teach me about how make portrait and designs on coral draw  after daily house chore I start my work to make portrait and after sit on computer to make fashion and as well as textile designing. Even first day when I went there on that day he give me juice and my mom also i not know what he did mixed in juice and meal that  like time was passing he give me and other girls of meal but i not know what has inside meal. every time he talked magic that i know each and every thing and listen and see. His ( bad man ) conversation has stuck in my mind and brain and i went in depression and psychosis and feel hearing sound that he called my name but in not clear sound its like mind and brain always stuck in past and I felt he can see me and listen me but before I not know its illness of brain disorder  but now mind is clear its are hallucination and illusion and delusion.


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My Experience with Psychotic Depression: Part 1

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Hi MY age is 28 years old I m depression patient since 2013 or may be so many years. I m suffering this mental illness till now, suddenly one incident has spoiled my life mentally and physically. Since 2013, I m on medicine till now. I m taking medicine regularly day by day my mental illness change into different disease like anxiety, psychotic, PTSD, Depression many medicines has reactions on my mental and physical both health.

I was living normal life. I had no disease in my life. I was teaching since 2009 to 2013 in between that period one day my mom was searching a fashion institute for me that will only for girls. She found a fashion institute for me there I will learn fashion skill I quit my school and home tutor job for my passion of fashion designing.

I joined that fashion institute and show my fashion skill of fashion institute owner since 2010 to 2013 between period times. I went there only for one day. He wants I join his institute and give him benefits but I don’t know what he wants what kind of that person.

Next day I went there but I see there was no learning according to international level and I quit that institute on the second day when I observed it’s not good for me it’s just wastage of time after quit fashion institute I m becoming mentally upset suddenly my school owner came in my house and she said it’s yours school don’t worry u can join any time again.

I joined my old school job and home tutor job and again start work with full devotion, just like before I did earn good name in this field. Now when 2013 came in month of May that teacher as well as of fashion institute owner to contact my mom on phone call and conveyance of again my mom now our institute atmosphere and surrounding and teaching is good now u can send own daughter for learning. Please come with your daughter.

I will conveyance her again she learn and come in this field but no one knows what is behind its purpose to call me again institute. 6th June or 8th June 2013 I was went one day with mom and he tried and said my mom she leaves me alone with him but my mom said if u want to talk so talked in front of mine.  On that day when I was reached there only for visit he hold my hand and said to me like that and treat me very special like just I m his family member.

He was trying to free with me, and said to my mom please give your daughter hand in my hand its means to say in our culture just like anyone beg your hand it understand here  for marriage. He talked my mom indirectly for marry but my mom not understand his cleverness at last he conveyance me for join once again fashion study and he said I will trained you within 6 months and he say I will give you opportunity to build a good name and earn money and will sponsor for your art work and give u links for more spread your art work in other countries.  He shows me his fashionable costumes and fine arts work and painting.

I liked his work but I not know his clever mind and his purpose why he wants to train me in fashion designing. Without fee. After few days 12th June 2013 I joined his fashion institute that institute only for girls, he has kept his  setup was in commercial building there I went next day he said to me my business partner was before my student she was gave me benefits then I teach her she gave me 1 million rupees.

Here only girl stay and who give me benefits.  If u give me benefits I will teach u all work within 6 months that other institute learn 4 to 5 years so give me all techniques of your parents specially your father my both parents are textile designers and he knows my parents are designer. He says to me why u want to make a designer many peoples in world that are not designers and they live  I said it’s my passion and I m interested in this field.

Basically I not understand many things during three months that I spend and worked there he did trapped me of his bad purpose but I was don’t know basically he wants a labor that worked under his supervision and he wants to do sex with female students   he do sex with female students but no other girls knows even I was not know he do with hide in private room he not wants I will be successful in this field.

12th June when I was joined his fashion institute he say to me here u do all work just like u do all work in your house he said to me hang my clothes and do  press I feel bad why I hold his clothes and pressed and hang his  clothes in cupboard.

He forced me all to do work like maid or female servants do work of other houses like washing clothes, cleaning of house, making food, pressing clothes, worked in kitchen, do work of personal  of house owner just like do massage of my head and do clean my wardrobe and cupboard and manage my all things and make a budget of grocery shopping.

He gave me first day full protocol just like I m his wife or queen. He said to me when I hold your hand then u feels anything I not understand his conversation. I said I not felt anything. I not know his bad mind first day he teach me how I make a portrait he give me instructions.

I follow his instructions and I start make a portrait and little bit work on Corel  draw of making fashion designs and textile he gave me instruction how I used tools of Corel draw. I start to learn new things there I was too much passionate about my work but I not know what will happen with me in future.


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