My Experience with Psychotic depression Part 5

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I had terrible condition of mine  since 2013 to 2015 due to depression and psychosis because if I am passing  by chance on that place then every each and every thing  recall in mind and brain and made eyes vision and its painful and I wept three month all scenario and atmosphere and surroundings and conversation and work too much do upset me and disturb me mentally day by day passing my mentally condition is going critical. I have  difficulty in breathing and I have afraid and fear when I saw anything that related past then I go in fear and too much have afraid and I weep a lot.

 

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I have fear afraid stuff toys and cat when I see cat I did hide cat then that not panic me. negative thoughts came in mind that related upset me and disturb and hurt and give fear and lots of tears and in psychosis I have see things that not related reality its was illusion and delusion that I couldn’t understand  before I felt anyone touch my body privates part and but its was only thought not reality its happened and felt due to past bad incident. I have too much passion of art and fashion designing want to learn and do work but that bad man jealous and not want I spend my life in success before in psychosis i felt he see me and listen me and he did control myself and thoughts but its not reality its was lie in depression that all things not exist. My body always became tired and restless and lots of body aches internally and externally.

 

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My Experience with Psychotic depression Part 4

 

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Since 2013 When I was left that institute then my condition is too much bad I weep a lot and I have difficulty in breathing and than at time my mind and brain give MSG that he can see me and listen me and he did control my thoughts and myself by magic but its was truth he did magic on my each and every thing and I want to take revenge of that bad man ( Teacher) he did with me sexual harassment and then my brain is  giving MSG its happening with me all by magic even he knows about female menstrual circle and say take a packet pad and keep in this cupboard I bought a packet of pad and keep another cupboard even give me some things and say keep all these in your house fridge and i will be take soon he do all girls keep own cellphone in his drawer and hand bag keep in side place one day he see when I am not reach in his trap then he kick me out and say leave my place of that institute here only that girls with me that give me benefits and do sex with me and give me benefits of painting and fashion designing other girls has not allow to come and spend time there and work there.

 

 

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when my condition is too much bad hallucination and illusion and delusion is happening with me like hear sounds in whispering form and  see things in shadow foam and and see things in air move like a small thread. even slowly slowly a fear and afraid is going on top than 4 months September to December 2013 my mentally health state is not good and physically also i have bad and negatives thoughts before its look anyone put thoughts and its terrible but now i know there are own thoughts but before look and anyone reads my thoughts and they do harm me

 

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My Experience with Psychotic Depression: Part 1

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Hi MY age is 28 years old I m depression patient since 2013 or may be so many years. I m suffering this mental illness till now, suddenly one incident has spoiled my life mentally and physically. Since 2013, I m on medicine till now. I m taking medicine regularly day by day my mental illness change into different disease like anxiety, psychotic, PTSD, Depression many medicines has reactions on my mental and physical both health.

I was living normal life. I had no disease in my life. I was teaching since 2009 to 2013 in between that period one day my mom was searching a fashion institute for me that will only for girls. She found a fashion institute for me there I will learn fashion skill I quit my school and home tutor job for my passion of fashion designing.

I joined that fashion institute and show my fashion skill of fashion institute owner since 2010 to 2013 between period times. I went there only for one day. He wants I join his institute and give him benefits but I don’t know what he wants what kind of that person.

Next day I went there but I see there was no learning according to international level and I quit that institute on the second day when I observed it’s not good for me it’s just wastage of time after quit fashion institute I m becoming mentally upset suddenly my school owner came in my house and she said it’s yours school don’t worry u can join any time again.

I joined my old school job and home tutor job and again start work with full devotion, just like before I did earn good name in this field. Now when 2013 came in month of May that teacher as well as of fashion institute owner to contact my mom on phone call and conveyance of again my mom now our institute atmosphere and surrounding and teaching is good now u can send own daughter for learning. Please come with your daughter.

I will conveyance her again she learn and come in this field but no one knows what is behind its purpose to call me again institute. 6th June or 8th June 2013 I was went one day with mom and he tried and said my mom she leaves me alone with him but my mom said if u want to talk so talked in front of mine.  On that day when I was reached there only for visit he hold my hand and said to me like that and treat me very special like just I m his family member.

He was trying to free with me, and said to my mom please give your daughter hand in my hand its means to say in our culture just like anyone beg your hand it understand here  for marriage. He talked my mom indirectly for marry but my mom not understand his cleverness at last he conveyance me for join once again fashion study and he said I will trained you within 6 months and he say I will give you opportunity to build a good name and earn money and will sponsor for your art work and give u links for more spread your art work in other countries.  He shows me his fashionable costumes and fine arts work and painting.

I liked his work but I not know his clever mind and his purpose why he wants to train me in fashion designing. Without fee. After few days 12th June 2013 I joined his fashion institute that institute only for girls, he has kept his  setup was in commercial building there I went next day he said to me my business partner was before my student she was gave me benefits then I teach her she gave me 1 million rupees.

Here only girl stay and who give me benefits.  If u give me benefits I will teach u all work within 6 months that other institute learn 4 to 5 years so give me all techniques of your parents specially your father my both parents are textile designers and he knows my parents are designer. He says to me why u want to make a designer many peoples in world that are not designers and they live  I said it’s my passion and I m interested in this field.

Basically I not understand many things during three months that I spend and worked there he did trapped me of his bad purpose but I was don’t know basically he wants a labor that worked under his supervision and he wants to do sex with female students   he do sex with female students but no other girls knows even I was not know he do with hide in private room he not wants I will be successful in this field.

12th June when I was joined his fashion institute he say to me here u do all work just like u do all work in your house he said to me hang my clothes and do  press I feel bad why I hold his clothes and pressed and hang his  clothes in cupboard.

He forced me all to do work like maid or female servants do work of other houses like washing clothes, cleaning of house, making food, pressing clothes, worked in kitchen, do work of personal  of house owner just like do massage of my head and do clean my wardrobe and cupboard and manage my all things and make a budget of grocery shopping.

He gave me first day full protocol just like I m his wife or queen. He said to me when I hold your hand then u feels anything I not understand his conversation. I said I not felt anything. I not know his bad mind first day he teach me how I make a portrait he give me instructions.

I follow his instructions and I start make a portrait and little bit work on Corel  draw of making fashion designs and textile he gave me instruction how I used tools of Corel draw. I start to learn new things there I was too much passionate about my work but I not know what will happen with me in future.

 

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